Asking for help reaps benefits at work
Since this country was founded in 1776, we've prided ourselves on our independence. We like to make our own choices, march to our own drummer and live our lives free from outside influences.
But that independent streak may be leading to some pretty overwhelming problems these days in the workplace. To be blunt: When was the last time you asked for help?
You may argue that you don't ask for help at work because a) none is available; b) no one would give it if you asked; and c) it's just easier to do everything yourself.
Those are all arguments that M. Nora Klaver has heard before, and she's got one answer for all of them: You're missing out on a lot of wonderful ideas if you don't ask for help.
"The moment we decide to make a mayday call, we trigger a transformative energy that shifts us from the status quo into the realm of possibilities," Klaver says. "We start on a journey toward a better future. When we ask for help, there is a greater chance that we will not be alone on that journey. Each request for help will serve as an invitation to share life for a while."
Klaver, the author of "Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need" (Berrett-Koehler, $15.95), says that asking for help shouldn't be done out of desperation, but rather become a part of our daily lives. That way, she says, you learn to ask for help in the right way, at the right time and for the right reasons.
She says that our calls for help can change our lives by helping us make new connections and deepen existing bonds, proving to us "that we are deserving of help, that we are not alone, and that we are already the recipients of countless blessings."
Focusing on the positive side of asking for help is an important theme in her book. As a work-life expert, Klaver says she's seen many workers stuck in the mindset that asking for help makes them weak or inept. She says you should understand that asking for help actually makes you stronger, since it shows others that you are not only courageous in asking for assistance, but that you want to do the job right and develop and learn at the same time.
And while many workers may fear going to a boss or someone else to ask for help, Klaver says "that fear, by its very nature, seeks to deceive."
"It doesn't want us to see the possibilities that exist just beyond our sight," she says. "When we experience fear, no matter what kind, that list of possibilities is immediately restricted. We see only what fear wants us to see."
She notes that by getting past our fear and asking for help, we open ourselves up to finding an idea that better meets our needs. (For more discussion on asking for help, see the blog at www.anitabruzzese.com.)
Still, Klaver says she knows it's difficult for many people. That's why she's developed some ways to reach out to others:
- Practice. Ask for help three times a day, every day.
- Go easy on yourself. You want to help others when asked, so why wouldn't they want to help you? You are as deserving of aid as anyone else.
- Reach out. Colleagues who have been in the same boat will understand what you're going through.
- Keep it private. When you need to ask for help, try to time it right so that the person can focus on what you're asking and not be distracted.
- Be specific. Don't be too bossy about it, but be clear about what you need, and when and for how long you'll need it.
- Be attentive. Watch for clues that the person may not be willing to help out. Make sure that the "yes" is really sincere.
- Use the "three thanks" rule. Express your gratitude three times - when you make the agreement, when the need has been met and when you next see your helper.
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