No parents allowed in job searches
Ten, 15 years ago someone might ask me if it was OK to bring their young children to their job interview. Once, someone asked if it was alright to bring his mother. Absolutely not, I said. It's your interview, you're a grownup, you can handle it.
Today, interviews have turned into family affairs.
Mom and Dad are not only conducting research on companies, jobs and careers for their kids. They're setting up, then showing up at job interviews and in some instances, even doing the talking. After interviews, some call the company to negotiate their child's salary. I've even heard of parents calling the manager who hired their kid to discuss - more like refute - the performance review their son or daughter received.
This is taking the "helicopter parent" (parents who hover over their kid's lives) too far.
Some employers are accommodating the trend, even wooing parents and children, according to an article in Forbes last year. Office Depot's Web site has a page with a "Message to Parents."
But it doesn't seem to be helping the young person's plight or career.
When I asked employers how they'd feel if an applicant said they wanted to bring Mom or Dad or if they just showed up with a parent, one said, "I'd think the person was very strange. Unless the parent needed to be taken care of and the situation was dropped on you at the last minute, you're not going to bring your Mom to work. Why would you bring her to an interview?"
One small business owner said, "I wouldn't hire a person who wanted to bring their parent to an interview. It reflects bad judgment. Not to mention a weird relationship with their Mom that I don't want to know about."
Many recruiters say they're troubled by this behavior, according to the Forbes article. One said she received a call from the mother of a 24-year-old graduate student who wanted to know why her daughter didn't get a job offer. Another parent called the same recruiter to say her daughter wouldn't make it to a scheduled interview because she was sick.
A human resources executive at a bank says she has not yet hired a recent graduate whose parent accompanied them to an interview, according to the article.
Years ago - even today - parents or relatives might "talk to someone" at their company about having their son or daughter come work there, too. They might pass on their resume to help them "get an in." Such introductions, as well as sharing advice and supporting young people as they embark upon their career, are one thing. But controlling, managing and dictating the interview process and standing in for the would-be employee in an interview, is another thing.
Some parents don't seem to understand how this creates problems, even before the job hunt begins.
A number of parents have asked me to work with their 20-something son or daughter who hate their careers. I tell them: Only if your son or daughter calls to set up the meeting. They have to take the initiative.
When I meet with the young person, alone, many share how much they hate their chosen careers. When I ask how they ended up in their field, they almost always say it was a parent who pushed them in that direction. You want more joy in your work? I ask. Then here, at our meetings, is where the work begins to figure out who you are and a career you'd enjoy. Sorry, no parents allowed.
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