The pressure was too much. It felt good to cry, but I was angry and confused. I hated not knowing what was to come. But when I finally calmed down, I felt more determined than ever.
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It’s hard to remember what life was like before the coronavirus. We had heard about it, but it was not directly impacting us. And then, almost overnight, life changed for seemingly ever. When I wrote my last article, it was the weekend eve before everything changed. I was scared but reminded of all the good around me.
I remember the daunting feeling I had in my gut on the day Gov. Charlie Baker first made his announcement food establishments would be closed for takeout only. Just before the press conference, I had told my husband we should go to the shop and get all of our order books, just in case. We had custom orders for the week, and if something were to happen, I needed to have their information. As soon as our governor informed us of the changes, I got up from the couch and got to work.
I had no idea what to make of what he was implementing. All I knew was I had to gather myself, accommodate those who placed an order with us, consult with my managers and talk to my staff. Technically, we were able to stay open. But, after looking at the amount of people who are in and out of our shop on a weekly basis, I knew I could not put my employees, or our customers, at risk. As soon as I talked with our customers, I had to decide what I was going to do about my 25 employees.
This decision was difficult. There was no way we could keep everyone employed, not knowing what type of business we would be able to sustain with limited hours and no walk-ins. The next morning, after barely sleeping, I called most of our employees to let them know I’d have to lay them off for now and suggested they apply for unemployment. Some of the younger ones thought they did something wrong, which broke my heart to hear. All of my employees had questions, and I felt completely lost; I did not have the answers for them.
After making the decision about my employees, I immediately decided we would need to set up an online store and think about the idea of shipping. These are two things customers had been asking for over the years, but I never had the time. It took me 12 hours to teach myself how to create an online portal; but I did it and… it was a mess and so was I. On a side note, it took me one hour to build the new website we use, so I guess I just like to learn the hard way!
The first week of this new life was brutal. I never processed the changes happening before me because I immediately was in survival mode. I was talking to customers, answering emails, setting up the website, discussing with my remaining employees and trying to help my friends. On the first Friday, after all my staff had gone home and I returned to work, I was inconsolable. The pressure was too much. It felt good to cry, but I was angry and confused. I hated not knowing what was to come. But when I finally calmed down, I felt more determined than ever.
I feel so badly for my friends whose businesses have been forced to close. My heart hurts for the employees who lost their jobs, have been laid off and are not sure when they are returning to work. I feel for the small businesses just starting out who have been inundated with so much information about different loans. A lot of the loans are asking for years of tax returns, profit and loss statements and balance sheets – things businesses just starting out may not have. It took me years to establish relationships with my accountant and banker. There are going to be businesses that do not make it out of this, and that bothers me the most. I’m a planner, but how could people have planned for this?
I don’t have all the answers, but I started fighting like hell for the survival of my business, even though it looks completely different than it did just six weeks ago. I will do what I can to support other small businesses and stay healthy. It’s an understatement to say I miss what once was, but if this is our new normal, I am going to do whatever I can to stay afloat.
Renee Diaz is the owner of The Queen's Cups bakery in Worcester, whose business is facing new challenges in the coronavirus pandemic.
