What’s behind your question can reveal the strength of the relationship that lies ahead
I received an invitation recently to attend a sales webinar on effective questioning. The topics included “Asking the right questions to overcome objections” and “How to sequence your questions for maximum yield.”
The invitation got me thinking about the power of questions (especially in sales situations), and how to effectively use questions in our interactions and in building relationships and trust.
First, a quick review of questions and how they can be used.
• Open questions seek information and usually start with “what” or “how.” You can learn a lot through open questions.
• Closed questions can be answered with a “yes” or “no,” but they can limit your ability to learn.
• Limiting questions include two or three options; for example, “Do you want to have Chinese or Italian for dinner?” Obviously, this limits the response.
• Leading questions do just that: They lead the other person; for example, “When are you going to close the bid process?”
• Prompt questions are little interjections, such as “go on” or “say more.” They're useful for drawing out more thinking.
The assumption with questions is that they're used to gather information and learn. And, they definitely do that, just not as often as you would think. It is believed that only 15 percent of questions actually seek to clarify information, while 85 percent have unspoken ideas or rejection inside them.
Two examples:
• “You think that'll fly?” which means a rejection of what's being offered; or
• “What if you hired Jen instead of Charlie?” which is really asking what one option would accomplish as opposed to the other.
The hosts of the webinar I was invited to attend seem to be working in the 85 percent realm, teaching the power of using questions to manipulate the situation. The challenge in using questions in this way is that it's pretty transparent that you're using questions to manipulate the situation.
The desire is to steer the conversation to a desired outcome. When the customer recognizes this, they also recognize they're being sold to. Immediately, their defenses go up. So, what might have been a collaboration quickly becomes a jousting match.
The next time you prepare to ask a question, explore your own mind as to the type of question you want to ask, and what you're really trying to find out. If you've made up your mind about something, state your thinking instead of asking a limiting, leading or closed question. Simply ask what the other person thinks about it.
An even more powerful tool when you ask a question is to say, “Here's what's behind my question.” This level of transparency facilitates open and clear communications. It helps the customer because they don't have to busy their mind trying to figure out what you want to know. They can focus on the matter at hand.
When someone is asked a question, it's important and powerful to ask, “What's behind your question?” It's an open question, which allows us to learn a lot. Revealing what's behind your question enables the other side to focus in and respond to what the questioner is trying to learn from you. Otherwise, both of you run the risk of getting an answer that's unrelated, oblique or even misleading.
Use questions with a lot of self-awareness, both of your intent and what you want from the listener/customer. To have a strong level of transparency in a relationship, empathy and trust are critical. Effective questions can contribute to building all three dynamics, but manipulative questions can just as quickly tear them down.
Ken Cook is the co-founder of How to Who and co-author of How to WHO: Selling Personified, a book and program on building business through relationships. Learn more at www.howtowho.com.
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