The New Networking: Meet People Just To Know Them
Cook
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A well-known radio personality I know was speaking with a rainmaker I also know. At the end of the conversation the radio personality made an interesting comment: "You actually connected with me." For him, that was an unusual experience.
What was unique about the encounter was that many people come up to him to introduce themselves. Most of these introductions are either from fans or people who want to connect to a "center of influence" (This man knows a lot of people.). The motivation for these connections is typically self-serving: knowing the radio guy satisfied a need or offered potential usefulness.
Libby Purves wrote an article for The London Times, titled "The Unseemly Art of Networking." The primary premise of the article is that the "overhyped practice of networking" is based on cultivating a friendship with someone specifically because he could be useful to you. The outcome is that the approached person, at the moment they suspect comradely affection is dependent on how useful they are, shrinks away.
An owner of an IT firm attended a networking event. Just like most networking events, everyone gets a minute to introduce themself. As soon as my friend announced he owned a company, he said he instantly felt like "the piece of meat in the pool of a piranha." And he was right; when the introductions ended no less than five people descended upon him.
The uniqueness of my friend's encounter with the radio man, the premise of Purves's article, and the experience of the IT company owner all illustrate how networking has evolved. Today it frequently is the practice of meeting with people in order to expand potential for your opportunities.
There's no fault in focusing on your business and how to grow it. Most new business in a B2B environment comes through people and referrals. The problem arises when your mindset for meeting new people is borne solely out of a motivation to grow your business. When this mindset is present, whether overtly or in the background, you raise the other person's defenses.
The reason the presence of this opportunistic mindset creates defensiveness is founded in the way we interact. Inherently, people sense our intention — we are expert in detecting insincerity. And when this mismatch in communications (e.g., "I'm so pleased to meet you," which, thinly veiled, also means "I'm hoping you will help me.") occurs, the dynamics of the interchange shift. This is because in this situation, our words represent only 7 percent of the actual message we convey. The tone of our voice represents 38 percent, and our non-verbal cues represent 55 percent. The "what's in it for me" motivation is powerful, so even if you don't lead with it, people are very likely to pick up on it.
Consider the term Center of Influence. I described the radio man as a center of influence because he — figuratively —knows everyone. He is what Malcolm Gladwell referred to as a connector in his book The Tipping Point. When you seek to expand your connections and people you know, it's natural to want to meet the connectors. Knowing them expands chances to meet others.
Now, think about it from the center of influence's point of view. People who are true centers of influence have got to feel put upon. Everyone wants to know them and the motivation in most cases has nothing to do with the center of influence as a person. That's why the meeting I described earlier was so unique for the radio man. My friend is a true rainmaker; she connected with the person to get to know him, with no ulterior motive.
This is because rainmakers don't think like networkers. Rainmakers think in terms of building a relationship, first and foremost. They're interested in getting to know the person, not the person's job or who they know or how they might help.
Networking is outdated. Building relationships without ulterior motives is what people seek today. Strong relationships are founded in trust, and trust is the greatest currency we can develop.
Knowing someone on a personal level builds trust. Getting to know someone merely because they might be useful or could be a currency you can use destroys it.
So, stop thinking like a networker and start thinking like a rainmaker. Build relationships founded on getting to know the person and let the trust develop. Everything else will follow.
Ken Cook is founder and managing director of Peer to Peer Advisors and developer of the Relationship Based Business Development System.
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