So, when is enough, enough?

As an employer, how much of our employees’ lives should we take on and put on our shoulders? At what point do we step back and tell ourselves this is not our problem to solve? As leaders in our fields, it can seem like we are therapists, and at times, babysitters for the problems and issues going on with employees. But when do we say, “Enough is enough”? Being an owner does not come with an instruction manual, and our best teacher is experience. Who I am as an employer is different than who I was 13 years ago, but I believe I have always led with understanding and empathy. When I do not have a solution or cannot accommodate a change asked of me, it may appear I’m not empathetic or understanding. What I have struggled with lately is juggling my own life while running a bakery. The understanding I have for my employees and what they have going on is not reciprocal. They do not have to think about me, my life, my business, or the stressors surrounding all the aspects I just mentioned. I have chosen to open and run a small business, employ people, grow my family, and go back to school for my master’s degree. In addition, even though I did not choose for my daughter to have a speech disorder, that is my reality, and intense speech therapy multiple times a week is part of my schedule. I am on an island of one and responsible for everything coming my way. Running a business comes with a lot of responsibility, especially when dealing with multiple people and their schedules. Sometimes, we have to say no and appear like the bad guy. In a perfect world, I would pay everyone much more and accommodate all their requests. Unfortunately, that is not the reality we live in. Making decisions for our business is not easy, nor should they be. The backlash of making tough choices can be uncomfortable for not only us but the other employees. I can remember a time when an employee ultimately gave me an ultimatum about their schedule. Though I wish I met our original conversation with more empathy, I did not have a solution for what the employee was proposing. In hindsight, I wish this was a discussion we had in person, but I understand it can be emotional or scary to talk one on one with your boss, even when you are around them every day at work. Nonetheless, I was unable to make the changes needed for this employee. I thought about it incessantly due to the nature of the message sent to me, and it did take up space in my head for multiple days. When I saw this employee again, I could tell there was tension, but I tried to remind myself I had to make a business decision. It was not personal. Ultimately, I believe it did end up being taken personal and almost as an insult, though that was never my intention. This employee ended up leaving my company. The way the employee left was less than ideal and left the rest of us to pick up the pieces. It took me away from my family more, caused a change in our schedules, and left an undesirable feeling in my mind and heart because I always felt I was fair, honest, and understanding of this person. I cared about them more than just another number in my books and looked forward to more time working together. So, when is enough, enough? And where do we draw the line as employers where we stop blaming ourselves for not always being able to solve every issue at hand? Regardless, if I was able to accommodate their request, other facets of the bakery were going to have to change, and it was not going to be fair to others. But moving forward, I will assess and examine how I handle personnel issues, remind myself I am not responsible for every solution, and that most of the time, we cannot make everyone happy. Renee Diaz is the owner of The Queen's Cups bakery in Worcester.